It’s Not Giving Up. It’s Growing Up

For as long as you can remember, your child has wanted to be a nurse (or a veterinarian, or an aerospace engineer, or a teacher, or a doctor, or a lawyer, etc.). That’s all they ever talk about. They role-played being a nurse when they played with their toys and crafted every “I want to be a ______“ assignment in school about nursing. They had laser focus. 

When it came time to apply to college, of course they would major in nursing. They didn’t consider any other option. You were so proud of their dedication of purpose. They have always just known what they wanted, why would you question it? 

There is nothing wrong with having a clear vision. Laser focus will help them work hard and do well. But what happens when that vision starts to falter? What happens when a little doubt starts to creep in? Maybe it happens in their first semester of college when they take their first anatomy class and it wasn’t what they imagined it to be. Maybe it happens on their first clinical assignment and they struggle with the smells of a hospital setting. 

As parents, you are probably so proud of their dedication and vision–and you should be! Your strong, capable child has goals, when you see so many of your friends' kids floundering with figuring out what they want to do and changing their minds dozens of times. But it is critical to support your child in changing their mind. They might be thinking any and all–and probably even more–the thoughts below:

Fear of being perceived as giving up. “I can’t quit now! What would people think?” 

Fear of “then what will I do?” If they’ve never considered any other option, they may feel like they have no choice but to stick it out. 

Identity wrapped up in this vision. This is who they are! This is all they have ever thought about being.

When you think about it, how many adults do you know who are in careers they don’t love, but feel stuck because they’re afraid of looking like a quitter? Maybe they picked a path at 18 and felt like they had to follow through, even though they knew it wasn’t quite right. They stayed because they didn’t want to waste the degree, or disappoint their family, or admit they’d changed their mind. That kind of fear starts young. If we want our kids to feel free to build a life that actually fits, we’ve got to show them that it’s OK to pivot. That it’s not quitting. It’s growing.

It’s important to stress that changing your mind isn’t failure–it’s feedback. It’s growth. We aren't meant to have our whole lives figured out and not expect to change course. That's why I call it "life drafting. We aren't making a perfect final version; we are writing a rough draft that can be edited and modified along the way.

College isn’t only about gaining knowledge. It's about learning who you are, how you think, and what gives you energy. If your child is experiencing even a flicker of hesitation and doubt, help them to explore that. Support them in recognizing that what they are experiencing isn’t failure. Help them to decide if they truly want to forge ahead or if a pivot makes more sense.