Real Self-Care

This week I heard a podcast that interviewed Dr. Pooja Lakshmin. She shared about the concept she called faux self-care. The concept of self-care has gotten way too trendy - like eyeroll worthy trendiness. We hear it tossed around by "perfect" influencers on Instagram and TikTok, telling us that we deserve a little self-care, and that their skin care product, juice cleanse, bath salts, yoga class, meditation app, etc is just the answer we are looking for.

Sure, all of those things feel good, and who wouldn't want a massage. But it also seems like it's just another thing to add to our already packed schedules and to-do lists.

Am I saying we don't need self-care?

NO! Of course not.

Real self-care goes deeper. It asks us to make choices that actually change the structure of our lives. And at the core of this is boundaries. Dr. Pooja explains that boundaries are not just saying no and keeping people out. The boundary is the pause. It is taking a moment, a breath, and deciding if it will be a "yes" a "no" or a "negotiation. That pause between request and response is where we check in with ourselves. It’s the moment to ask: Do I have the capacity for this? Does it align with what matters most to me right now? Am I saying yes because I want to—or because I feel like I should?

With the pause, we create space for real self-care—the kind that comes from conscious choices, even when they’re hard. That might mean saying “no,” or “not right now,” or “yes, but with limits.” Boundaries don’t have to be dramatic. You don't have to announce that you're setting a boundary. They’re often quiet, intentional, and rooted in self-respect.

• No pause = autopilot. You say yes, then feel drained, resentful, or stretched thin.

• With pause = choice. You get to respond from your values, not from guilt or habit.

Journal Prompts:

• Where in my life am I relying on “faux self-care” to patch over deeper exhaustion?

• What boundary, if I honored it, would give me more breathing room?

• How do I want to feel in my day-to-day life, and what boundary supports that?

• When have I said “no” in the past and felt relief afterward? What can I learn from that moment?

• What does “the pause” feel like in my body? Where do I notice it?

• When was the last time I rushed to say yes? What might have changed if I paused first?

• What’s one area of my life where I want to practice pausing before responding?

• How can I remind myself to take a breath before I answer?

Affirmations:

In the pause, I find clarity and choice.

My boundaries begin with a breath.

I honor my needs by setting boundaries that protect my energy.

Saying no to others is saying yes to myself.

Real self-care is not indulgence—it’s alignment.

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New Member Benefit:

Join me in The Reflection Room, a weekly journaling accountability group every Wednesday at 7am. Come as you are—pajamas, coffee, and all—for a gentle check-in, a journaling prompt (or bring your own), and quiet writing time. No camera required. Just a supportive space to stay consistent, reflect, and keep drafting your life forward. Hope to see you there this week, and every Wednesday morning at 7am at this link (my personal zoom) HERE

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Save the Date!

I am in the planning stages for our first annual planning retreat - Draft Your Year with Pencil and Purpose! Dates are January 22-25, with a Thursday evening arrival and departure Sunday morning. This will be for members and other guests (known by either me or a member). I'm tentatively planning to include breakfast, lunch and snacks with dinner on your own (as long as the location has options). Cost is to be determined and will depend upon the number of participants. I want to book a house in the fall and will be looking to get confirmations and a deposit by then. Stay tuned!

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Office Hours:  Office Hours for September will be on Wednesday, September 17. This is for Editor's Circle Coaching Members as well as any Guided Revision Coaching Members who would like to touch base between scheduled coaching appointments. HERE is the link to schedule a 30-minute slot

The Weekly Draft: happens every Sunday evening at 7pm at this link. Come prepared to reflect on the past week and draft the upcoming week. It is meant to be a heads down, co-planning time, with me being available to share strategies and/or answer questions. Join me HERE

The Reflection Room: happens every Wednesday morning at 7am. Come as you are—pajamas, coffee, and all—for a gentle check-in, a journaling prompt (or bring your own), and quiet writing time. No camera required. Join me HERE